Singles Shower!

A lot of my friends are getting married/already married, which is super awesome for them, and I enjoy participating in all the festivities as well. I like a good party. And dancing. Lots and lots of bustin' a move. I'm the maid of honor in a wedding this year and it has been a delight. However, there is one thing that seems grossly unfair: the showering of gifts. It's like Christmas times eight. I mean heaps! "Loads" as the English would say! Now, as a single person, scratch that, as a person, I greatly enjoy the receiving of gifts, and lots of them. However, at this current stage in my life, my marital status deters me from receiving gross amounts of presents. Could this be discrimination of another kind??? Thus, I have devised a new cultural revolution that I think should take place. Hear me out: the purpose of giving a couple gifts is so that they can have the necessary items to begin their life together. It is also tradition to give the bride boo-cou lingerie for a bachelorette party. However, these are things that are necessary for singles as well. Single people need things in their home, kitchen, what have you, just as much as the next wedded woman and man, and, it's always nice to have new undergarments just for the hey-haw of it even if no one is seeing them--in fact, as a single person, I believe that since I am alone, wouldn't it make more sense that I would want to look good? I'm just saying. Thus, in an aim for equality for all, I propose that each and every person should get some sort of showering of gifts once in his/her lifetime. You could use this up when you're single, or perhaps if you arrive at a certain age and are still single you would get a Singles Shower, and if you get married afterwards no presents for you. So, for example, if the magic age was 35, my friends and family would be like, "Jess is 35 and single! This means one thing: PARTY!" This would put a lot more of a positive spin on things and maybe we would get away from that "single people must be so lonely and depressed" stereotype. I mean, what if you've decided that PERHAPS marriage isn't your deal--you're giving up lots, and lots of presents, which is a huge unfortunate travesty. Some Christians would even say that God has ordained certain people to be single, and if that's my lot in life so be it--but why should I be punished with no loot? And, if we're celebrating a couple's decision to wed, should we not as much celebrate someone's decision to remain single? Is love not a reward in and of itself?! The tax breaks alone are a gift! Not to mention--married people now have two incomes to pool, thus they can potentially buy more stuff. I'm single--I've got to work twice as hard for that new Kitchen Aid. And if you're celibate, frick, that deserves a showering of gifts in and of itself. I say, you deserve a PARADE. I'm not saying I'm lonely or sad or whining that I'm single by any means, I just want some presents. And maybe a party in my honor. A new china set. A new bed sham. A new crock pot. Perhaps a new deluxe toaster or coffee/espresso maker. And gift cards that abound! All I am saying is that perhaps we need to evaluate the current system that is set up. Peace, liberty, justice and presents for all!!! That's the American way!