Sunday, April 11, 2010

Things You Should Never Say to Jess Miller on a Date

Dear future man I go on a date with next:

Look. I don't consider myself to be incredibly high maintenance. I really don't. In fact, were I to describe my personality, the words, "chill," "laid back," "amicable," "easy going" and "generally all around not hard to get along with" come to mind as far as my overall demeanor is concerned. However, I will warn you, that should you take me out some day on a date, these are the things to do/not do:

1. Whenst the topic of children comes up (not as in you and I having kids, that's REALLY weird, I mean just in general the conversation may have gone there), you should NOT say, "Yeah, women should stay at home and cook and stuff. It's just what they do." Can we say WORST person EVER to say that statement to? This will cause me to think, "Is he joking? Oh. I guess not...uhhhh" and then I have to explain to you the social implications of your comment.
2. You should NOT talk to me repeatedly throughout the date about how pot should totally be legalized and how when people are selling drugs on street corners that they're just doing service to society. This wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't coupled with the fact that you seem to have smoked a lot of pot yourself.
3. You should not talk about all the "lazy people without jobs." Then I just have to sit there and stare at you with my jaw hanging open. WE ARE IN A RECESSION.
4. Clean up the language! I mean, come on, I'm not saying that my mouth is super clean all the time, but on a first date, it just seems to be in good taste.
5. You SHOULD know what certain vocabulary words like "cathartic" or "philanthropy" mean. You should not keep saying you disagree with me on a subject, and then start talking about something that is nowhere near what I was talking about.
6. Ask me questions about myself! I am very interesting! You might be too, hence why I keep asking YOU's nice to have it reciprocated!

The bottom line: I should never leave a date thinking "This would make a really good blog post because this is so ridiculous." Not to scare anyone off...but these things don't seem all that challenging or like I'm asking too much here--am I wrong?

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