But what I've found myself perpetually thinking about is happy endings of a different sort. You know, Life Happy Endings. And the question is, do we all get one? And if not, what qualifies someone for a happy ending, and why do some not get them?
We've been taught in this culture that we all get a happy ending--even that we deserve one. Whether that be the perfect spouse, the perfect job, the perfect 2.5 children, the perfect house, ultimately the fulfillment of the American Dream, we want, and hope for, a happy ending [eventually!]. I'm not seeing these are per se my happy endings, though select categories may apply. All the strife and turmoil we may be facing now is someday going to all make sense! We've read fairy tales about this stuff--You know, "happily ever after" and what not. We are taught that "everything happens for a reason," that the "story will come full circle"--as if our life just gets a little bumpy, but eventually everything will pan out. We're taught that our hard work and "can do!" attitude will pay off eventually. Or we believe that God has our back when it comes to our happy ending, we just have to wait, be tested, you know all that stuff. But I wonder if God and life is a lot messier than that. Do we all get a happy ending, does it all come full circle? Does everything get resolved? Or do we change our perspective to mold our reality into our happy ending--even if it's not everything we'd originally hoped? Do we change our definition of our "happy ending," and if so, do we lose faith too quickly in our original wants? Is there always a lesson to be learned from pain, from sorrow, from violence, from death? Or does bad stuff just...happen? What do you say when life is cut off prematurely, and that person never gets to experience their "happy ending."
But perhaps these statements highlight my questions about God, and how in control I believe God to be. Maybe it says a lot about my definition of happiness.
Maybe the problem really is what my Happy Ending looks like. Maybe my problem is that my version of a happy ending is to short-sighted.
And these are things that I sit awake and think about at 12:39 AM--is it coming (the fulfillment of my deepest wants and my greatest desires)? Do I need to change my perspective, or do I dare to keep dreaming? Do I ultimately have to wait until heaven for my happy ending to come true, or is it possible here on earth? Is it even a static state? And how would I begin to define my "happy ending?" When will I finally look back and say, "Ahhhh. I get it now"...or will that happen this side of heaven?