"You can take the girl out of Seattle, but you can't take Seattle out of the girl."

--my friend Beth

Wise words friend, wise words.

Do Something New-Run a 5K!

Well folks, I completed my first 5K and let me tell you--methinks I might be on my way to being a regular racer. This Saturday my friend Beth and I set out to run the "Burn Calories For Fuel" 5K that supports people in Hartford who cannot pay their heat or utility bills. Now, now, I'm not going to be like those crazy MARATHONERS...but I'd consider a 10K (maybe several months/years from now). My goal was to run the whole thing--and I did it! My first experience was wonderful! I finished 148th out of 197, which frankly I was a little bit disappointed in until one of the RA's told me that she finished second to last in a race and the guy behind her had heart problems, so I'll take what I can get and run with it (PUN INTENDED! I just crack myself up). While my first 5K was certainly a wonderful experience I did have a few qualms:

1. I eat breakfast every day--except today. Gee, that sounds like a great idea. To quote Winnie-the-Pooh--I had a rumbly in my tumbly (as you can see that two out of three of my qualms involve a huge heaping of ME).

2. I wouldn't think to myself, "Hmmm two days before this race I will go on a light walk in my cute little flats" because I would then proceed to develop a huge blister on my heel that will hurt like someone is holding a lighted match to my ankle. Thank goodness for friends with Neosporin!!!

3. You know that phrase "What goes up must come down?" That didn't apply to this course. I felt like I kept running up hills, thinking "I'll get to come down soon!" and was wrong every time--HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?! (and why didn't we run the opposite way?)

As I kept pushing through and waiting for that downward part of the hill that never came, I couldn't help but think that while I had put "I'm Still Standing" by Elton John on my "5K" mix, I had epically failed by not including Bruce Springsteen's "Born to Run." I finally crossed the finish line to the Glee kids' "Stop in the Name of Love/Free Your Mind," which just made me think of men in jazzy tuxedos like the guys on the show, which had virtually nothing to do with anything. My friend Beth met me at the finish line (she ran with me and was my cheerleader on my first race!). Ra ra yeah me! I know that this is just the first of many to come!

Lent Reflections

more and more i need you now

i owe you more each passing hour

the battles between grace and pride

i gave up not so long ago

so steal my heart and take the pain

wash my feet and cleanse my pride

take the selfish, take the weak

and all the things i cannot hide

take my beauty take my tears

sin soaked heart, make me yours

take my world all apart

take it now, take it now

and serve the ones that i despise

speak the words i can't deny

watch the world i used to know

fall to dust and blow away

i look beyond the empty cross

forgetting what my life has cost

wipe away the crimson stains

that dull the nails that still remain

take my beauty, take my tears

sin soaked heart, make it yours

all the things i cannot hide

take my beauty take my tears

take my world apart, take my world apart

"Worlds Apart"

Jars of Clay

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

I'm in the midst of a waiting game right now. Waiting for a lot of reasons, and to this I say BLEH! It's a great big pile of BOO. I hate waiting. Like most human beings, I want to know what's going to happen next...and hoping that the outcome is one that is going to be conducive to my schedule. While I'd say that I've become remarkably content with life in the past year, it turns out that every now and then God likes to send things my way just to rile me up. The dangling of the proverbial carrot on the stick if you will (yes, God uses carrots because carrots help your eyes--YES THAT IS A METAPHOR FOR GETTING CLEARER PERSPECTIVE/VISION). Well, I'm not sure if this is God or not (depending on how theological you want to get), but it's the way that life seems to go. "How content are you REALLY?" God says to me. "Erm..." I say, as I squirm. "RRReeeaallllyyyy content????"--the tone in my voice starts low but then slowly crescendoes to a high pitched squeal because I am bold faced lying. But it makes me wonder why we can't just take a deep breath and say, "Okay" and enjoy it. But "NAY" Jess Miller's brain screams!!!

One side of Jess's brain (we'll call this side A): "Wow, isn't this fun! You don't know where your life is going! This is very exciting! Yay for being spontaneous! Hoorah for new horizons! Yippee for new adventures!"

Brain, Side B: "Quiet you! This is horrible! Egregious! You should be able to plot your life out on a map!!! WHAT IS GOING ON!? What if things don't turn out like you want? I feel uncomfortable."

This is right around the time that I turn the Chicago song "Will You Still Love Me" up really loud to drown out the voices. Peter Cetera--what passion (song choice has absolutely no correlation with why I am currently waiting--I just love it)!!! Yes, I have listened to it 96 times in the last 2 days. Anyone walking by my door probably wants to scream because they've heard this song so many times.

But really what makes everything so incredibly irritating about waiting is that I find myself consistently wishing time away to appease the anxiety. While I normally find myself excelling in being a moment savor-er (you only have so many after all), and I believe I generally find some joy in everything I do, I find that when I am in a waiting period I want to speed everything up and find out the end. But, as that one quote says, "It's the journey not the destination." This irritates me to no end, but I know it to be true. Even as I reflect on faith, it seems like a majority of the Bible is about waiting--take Moses out in the desert, everyone waiting for the Messiah, then once they GOT the Messiah, waiting for him to resurrect, then waiting for him to come back AGAIN (which is where we still are), and well, you get the picture--take out waiting periods and you take out about 3/4 of the Bible it seems. But I'm guessing that the manna from heaven and the Promise wouldn't be so appreciated had Moses only had to wait like a day in the desert, and especially if he lived today and had a nice hotel room in Egypt complete with Room Service. Not a very impactful story. This is particularly harrowing for a culture that enjoys getting ish DONE as quickly as possible: this is why we love iphones, emails, microwaves, fast food, credit cards, speedy internet, airplanes, etc. Everything can happen in 3 seconds or less. We want things to be done, and done NOW dammit! Our culture has warped our sense of sitting quietly, waiting patiently and enjoying the process. One more reason I love American culture (why yes my third language IS sarcasm...I think I speak it quite well)... But I really do believe that in so many ways it has robbed me of not only the waiting part, but the richer outcome and appreciation when everything finally comes to a close.

So for now, I find myself trying to teach myself the art of savoring those moments of waiting, take a deep breath, and heed those oh-so-wise words of Tom Petty:

The waiting is the hardest part

Every day see one more card

You take it on faith

You take it to the heart

The waiting is the hardest part

"The Waiting" By Tom Petty

And as I sat nursing my cup of coffee in a coffee shop today staring at the man in the muscle tank top with a mullet I wondered why the 80's had to end and why Jersey Shore had to begin...

I'm really hoping the NorEaster we're supposed to get tonight/tomorrow is an April Fool's Joke from the Weather Channel. Future Christmas present for the state of Connecticut: a giant weather-based mood ring. Forget trying to balance the budget Governor Malloy, let's put all our eggs in THAT basket.

Courtesy of my friend Scott's Tumblr